Wednesday, December 30, 2009

5 Points by Someone - Why you should take '3 Idiots' with a pinch of salt

It’s been a week since 3 Idiots released, and I’ve been dying to write about it. The film in itself is a decent watch, a complete masala entertainer. Now there is nothing wrong with that. I enjoyed it, but when it got a little too preachy, I thought, “Wait, that doesn’t fit in.”

I’ve always felt that Raju Hirani’s premises for criticism have been different from others, and that he wants to ‘shed light’ on some problems (for want of a better word) facing the society. He did it popularly enough with the Munnabhai series (though I was surprised, since the first film hit out at doctors, who are revered in our society and are equated to God). In this film too, the theme he chooses couldn’t have had better relevance. There are lakhs of engineers who graduate every year in our country, and I can guarantee that at least 50% of them either don’t have the aptitude for it, or were forced into it, or both. In fact, most people have their "Oops! Why did I do engineering" moment right into their 2nd or 3rd year and the feeling ironically becomes stronger once you graduate. All eej well, till now.

  1. The principal is portrayed as a heartless swine, completely devoid of human emotions. First flaw. No principal, (and I repeat NONE) can be so heartless, as to not allow a student some leeway in case of a family emergency. The ‘khaana chhod diya kya’ argument is bizarre. I’m from an NIT myself, one of the ‘premier institutes’ in the country, and I’ve never seen such behaviour in any of my professors. They might be strict, but not inhuman. Then you might ask why a grade ‘A’ actor like Boman is reduced to a caricature? Because Indian films have a tendency to classify everything distinctly under either black or white. And in order that Aamir’s arguments carry more weight and have more impact, a demon had to be created. And who better to be the demon than the principal? If you’ve read 1984, you’ll know what I’m talking about. There always needs to be an Emmanuel Goldstein to help move your cause forward.
  1. This brings me to my second argument. The incessant need to thrust ‘goodness’ into your face to help emphasise the point. Aamir is the brilliant student, the rebel who still manages to top the class. But why go ahead and make him a gardener’s son? Why couldn’t he be a normal middle class kid? Does being well off reduce the credibility of his achievements? The film almost forces you to agree with them. Yes, their point is taken, but was there a need to go over-the-top? I’m completely for a reform in education, and am one of the few ‘idiots’ (to borrow the terminology from the film) who have followed their passion and not packages. So technically, I should be the first one to go ‘Yay! Hi – fi’ about the film. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t do it.
  1. Aamir seems to be a superhuman who can virtually do anything from building robots, to topping the class to convincing people their fianc├ęs were useless (hello?) and even delivering children (Did you notice the subtle advertising by Airtel – ringtones and the WiFi modem?). Aamir even takes on the principal, openly accusing him of murder, and throwing in statistics about suicides. Again, the director falls prey to the ‘star syndrome’. Aamir plays a character 22 years younger to himself. Weren’t there any younger actors who could play the role? And for me, Aamir’s didn’t have much to do. His character is written in such a manner, that whatever he does seems cool (breaking into the principal’s office, peeing in his house).
  1. The film has three people commit suicide (two successful in doing so) leading all non – engineers to think that whenever an engineer fails, he tries to kill himself (Notice the ‘he’. Girls don’t fail. They study hard. I give them that). While there is a lot of pressure to do well in college, nothing justifies killing yourself. After all, it’s only a bloody exam. This is one point where I agreed with the film, that parents shouldn’t have binary opinions about their child’s career (engineer or doctor). There are a plethora of career options available. Not everyone is as understanding as my parents (or Madhavan’s parents in the film), and it takes a few months’ time for parents to adjust to your choice. I’ve learnt it through personal experience. So mums and dads, let your children make their own mistakes.
  1. The film targets the youth (of which I’m also a part). Most must have lapped it up and must already be hatching ‘cool ways’ to make life hell for the teachers and be ‘rebels’. I’d like to ask them:
When was the last time you read something not for the exams, but for the sake of knowledge?

Have you ever cringed at the fact that the questions asked in the exam aren’t from the ‘notes that teacher gave in class’?

Have you asked for the paper pattern, and fumed when the teacher did not ‘follow the pattern’?

Have you ever been upset that the question paper didn’t repeat the questions from previous years’ papers?

When was the last time you worked on a project that was wasn’t ripped off from Google? (I’m not acting holier than thou. I’ve done it too.)

PS: Lastly, most of the jokes are stale. The ‘pencil in space’ joke came around as an internet forward when we were in 8th.

I might be completely wrong. In that case, you are more than welcome to explain it to me. I love being proven wrong!

Image Courtesy: Wikipedia

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The MBA Diaries # 1: Gay MET

Okay, this is yet another series of posts I'm starting (More Dukki Diaries still to come) and this is a disclaimer I would like to highlight:
I'm going to be immensely judgmental, shallow and flip - sided in my observations and sometimes chauvinist too. It is all meant in good humour, and nothing should be taken seriously.

As most of you know, I 'prepared rigorously' for six months and am in the process of completing my MBA exams (notice only completing exams) by Jan 10. And since there are almost half a dozen exams to be taken, there will be half a dozen test centres and each centre consists of its own form of entertainment. I have this habit of observing and characterising fellow (unsuspecting) students into different categories, and make predictions about how they are going to fare in the exam and in general, what they would be like. If you think its horrible on my part to makes such assumptions, try it once. You'll have fun, at the expense of no one but your imagination.

CAT was a totally different story, and the only thing I actually want to write here, is that there were a total of 48 leaves on the patterns of the curtains in my lab, and 24 flowers, arranged in a diagonal fashion. This was my only productive conclusion for Dec 1, which I arrived at when I was waiting for the test to be 'delivered'.

But the real deal (read paper based test) started with JMET (Joint Management Entrance Test), excelling in which would get me into the IIT B - Schools. If you're one of the people saying, "Wait, IITs are technical institutes, right?", a very warm good morning to you. When I was applying, I had a deep discussion with one of my school friends who said, "I'm not going into the IITs. I can't take another two years with engineers." I thought deeply (for once) and took a chance and filled the online form (with some hiccups, owing to my mistake and their Stone Age era application form design - long story that too), even though I knew that an engineering degree combined with an MBA from an IIT was one of the surefire methods of turning a person gay (virtually zero exposure to the fairer sex).

When the exam date drew near, I thought to myself, "Let's give this all we've got. It's only an exam, and I can do it." And I did (by asking my friend a day before the exam what the syllabus and pattern was. He replied, " Tension mat le. Just go and take the test"). I was more interested in my exam centre, which was Jamnabai Narsee School since I'd had an argument with a colleague at office, over which school (hers was Jamnabai) was better (mine of course, is Singhania). I promised to be as unbiased as possible when we settled the argument the day after my exam (way to go in prioritising), and went with a cool (almost empty) head to Juhu at about 9: 30 in the morning.

I was expecting a crowd of geeks, most of them from neighbouring villages like mine. 'Girls' was the last thing I expected, except for a few, who barely made it to that category owing to their long hair. But what I saw was quite a respectable number of female candidates (Engineers have a hawk like precision and accuracy in spotting girls in a crowd). Some of them were even cute, probably the 'Sindhi/Gujarati quota' types (If the female readers are incensed by the appalling terminology, I apologise. It is only for humorous purposes). I looked up the chart and saw that my room was W-52, which turned out to be the West Wing (how appropriate, the Wing of power). Since I'd left home at about 7:30, I hadn't eaten anything. I wanted to eat a vada pav at Dadar, but thought it wiser to have something near the centre. Wrong choice. There was absolutely no shop/thela selling anything. Anything. The whole area is full of residential buildings with Gujarati names and a common 'bai' suffix. I went to my exam room on an empty stomach.

Now, it's not as if I always count the number of girls, and calculate the percentage of good - looking ones, but when you're taking an MBA exam, percentages tend to hover in and out of your thoughts. But the percentage today was around 0.54321. In fact, I'm always amazed at how my friends always run into girls who believe in socialising and casual talk, and I manage run into ones who think all guys are rapists. The seat in front of me was occupied by a guy who'd forgotten his watch, and he requested his neighbour to keep her watch on his side of her desk. That was when I noticed the girl in blue top. She was fat, and looked nervous. But MOST important of all, she had a moustache, almost as much as me. I decided to call her 'Moustache Girl' (henceforth MG). I glanced at MG, and she gave me the 'you're a rapist' look. MG had a friend of hers in the room too, sitting behind me, who immediately fell into the 'Teacher's favourite but a class one bitch' category. The type of girls who usually tell on you when you're up to no good in class. And she gave me the 'Oh! He's just here because he paid the application fee' look (henceforth referred to as COB) . It didn't help my cause when my pen stopped working and I'd to ask COB for a pen. She grudgingly gave me one, as if I'd asked for her kidney.

The exam began and I started out decently, but lost the plot midway when they started asking weird questions in the English section, and when a pigeon entered the room and completed its third round (reconnaissance?). I wondered for about two minutes as to why MG had a moustache, but immediately got back to solving my LR set. I'd also decided to catch the look on COB's face when the paper got over, and as I got up, I saw a look of despair on her face. Someone hasn't performed very well in the paper. I'd almost forgotten that I was starving, and while leaving the hexagonal premises, I caught sight of a couple who'd come to write the exam, happily munching on a burger, which I don't know where they procured from (This was turning out to be quite a day). Most people had no clue how their exams went, but I knew I hadn't done my best. The 'gaytes' of IIT wouldn't be open for me this year probably.

Now that the exam was over, I had to catch a rickshaw to Ville Parle railway station. I don't like fighting over rickshaws, and thankfully I caught hold of a guy who was having tea . He said, "Bhaiyya humko thodi der lagegi. Aap rukenge?" I happily agreed and watched him enjoy his cuppa while I caught one last sight of COB entering a Hyundai Accent with her dad.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Getting down to business

I know it is late, and I know people have already seen it on Facebook. But I'm too lazy to post anything yet, and have MBA exams till the Jan 10. A good post shall follow soon. I promise.

Till then, peese see theees.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

An exam, a wedding and a lot more

This incident happened just today.

I just finished my CAT two days ago. And it felt really weird. Last year, when we came back from CAT, we headed straight to PP’s (a pub in ‘downtown Nagpur’) where I proceeded to watch the others drink away while I munched on my paneer malai. And emotions were really high. I still remember the way I announced that no one should discuss the paper, and Kanabar (my friend and bandmate) perhaps not liking the tone of my voice, retorted with an angry ‘Who’s doing it anyway’. We proceeded to argue and shout it out and soon cooled off (when he grabbed his beer).

This year though was a totally different affair. I went alone to a Lokmanya Tilak College of Engineering in Kopar Khairane (Navi Mumbai). Now, here comes the weird part. I don’t particularly like mingling with college crowds other than the ones I’m familiar with, and having studied in Nagpur our wavelengths don’t exactly match. ‘Hao na be, bhasad, and doling out generous amounts of references to sisters and mothers was the norm at our institute, while most of the Bombay people go for ‘Dude’ and the likes. And it didn’t help much when the persons behind me were discussing why Kasab should have come to LTCE and not CST. So I just kept to myself.

I had to wait for one and a half hours before the test started, during which time I counted the number of leaves in the curtains, the number of tiles in the roof, the number of swing panels in the air conditioner and also analysed my photograph in detail to get to know why they suck so much. I failed to arrive at a conclusion for the photo riddle, but I did conclude that this year’s CAT was one of the worst disasters in the history of the exam (which also includes a leaked paper). Feel nahi ayi is all I can say.

But this isn’t about that. Immediately after the CAT was Arvind’s sister’s wedding in Karjat. So me, Tanmay and Alokraj set out on the long journey to the place. After having some really good food (Thanks, Arvind!) we set out some time in the afternoon. We were cruising along on NH – 4, when our driver missed a turn towards Panvel, which is when he decided to take a quick U – turn. Here is where he made the error of not signaling his intent through indicators. From the opposite end, a bike sped in and almost rammed into us, since the rider was busy chatting away on his mobile. Our driver coolly ignored him and sped away (since a bike can’t catch up with an Indigo Marina). But a toll booth to cut us short and the bike caught up with us. And that was when it happened.

The guy got down, opened the door, and beat the hell out of our driver. We were totally stunned by what happened, what with our previous experience in such matters. In fact, just a few minutes ago, Tanmay had said, “Load kya hai. Apan paanch hai aur woh do.” But when our driver was on the receiving end of slaps and kicks, we couldn’t do much except stop them from doing so, which we eventually did, thanks to the toll booth guy. But the last line which the guy uttered is still fresh in my mind. He said, “Tu Marathi manoos ahe mhanunach me sodtoy tula (I’m letting you off, only because you’re a Maharashtrian).” I wonder what would have happened if he wouldn’t have been a ‘son of the soil’.

Alokraj raised the most pertinent question of the event, when he asked, “Is that how they do it here? What if the driver wasn’t Marathi?” (He’s new to the city, if I’m not wrong)

I, for one, had no answer, and could only manage an embarrassed and awkward shrug of the shoulders.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Very very Ranchi

I just couldn't resist posting this, even though I have my CAT two days from now.

Awesome no?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Cakewalk it is?

After a long time, this one’s going to be short (and thus my post is now the official the entry for the worst blogpost of 2009).

Having seen the latest ad in the ongoing telecom war to win the “We are the cheapest, come to us” award, Aircel has released this ad.

When I saw the ad, I did the most common thing any guy does. I googled aircel ad girl hot pics “aircel ad pay per second model”. That was when I was led to Sudeepa Singh.

Of course when you type her name in Google, you will also get this.

Firstly, the girl is uber – cute (as seen in the ad). The way she twinkles her eyes and smiles mischievously will convince even the guy at the bottom to give her a small 2 kilogram slice. Heck, I would have given her the whole cake for free (or perhaps I would have liked to be on the other side, as her ‘friend with benefits’. I mean the cake (What else were you thinking, you dirty person)?

Just think for a minute or so. If you could get her to walk in to all the shops at Bandra during Christmas, you’d be having yourself a sweet, sweet December. But alas, life isn’t so sweet. I don’t know her and no female friend of mine will do the same thing for me because they all have jobs and a life! I, meanwhile, am stuck in limbo, watching the same girl walk away with the damn cake every time Balika Vadhu MTV Rock On go for a commercial.

Image Courtesy: Wikipedia

Monday, October 26, 2009

Blew - The Inside Story

Location: 250 feet from Chinchpokli Station

Ensconced in a private resort under the blue skies and relaxing on a beach with their drinks in hand and eyes scanning the beach. That’s how you’d expect the cast and crew of the latest extravaganza Blew to be living, isn’t it? But we found them in a dinghy and shady hotel called Majestic Diamond, near the Chinchpokli railway station.

As soon as I enter, director Anhonee Diffusa issues a statutory but polite warning, “Please, no jokes or puns on the colour blue. I’ve had enough.” I agree (of course crossing my hands behind my back) to not crack any jokes there (and having said nothing about the piece I’d write). One look at the man and one could never believe he’s the one who’s directed the English version of Maano Ya Naa Mano and many a music videos.

So how has life been, post Blew? “Don’t ask me a question, and I will tell you no lies.” I reminded him that I already had. He answers, “Life’s been tough. When I started shooting for Blew, I had everything in life. Now even my wife refuses to recognise me. I’ve had to move to this place now”, he says. I turn to Producer saab to ask him about the film, but he doesn’t speak at all. Anhonee says, “He’s in a trauma currently. Uski poori kamayee barbaad ho gayi is picture mein. He’s had to sell all his cars, homes etc. He’s come down to usal paav and kaanda bhajiya from trouts and shark soup.”

Finally Producer saab decides to talk.

“We spent so much money on the sets and underwater shooting and all those kind of things that we actually forgot many things that were equally important”, he opines. Is he talking about the script? “Ba*****, jale pe namak mat chidak” is the angry retort. I decide to move on. While the promos were on, one could hear the strange chorus in the title song. What’s with all the “Balooo”? There came the revelation. Anhonee replies, “Actually, when we signed Khiladi, Enjoy Dutt, Lawruh and Rahman saab, we had no money left to get any good playback singer. So we had to get the best we could for the money we had left. The song is sung by Dayashankar Tripathi, a famous Bhojpuri singer of yore from Jaunpur, who had to drink 5 bottles of energy drinks before he sung the song, because he was so old. Ab hinterland ka koi banda gayega, to uska accent to hoga hi na?” How many takes did the song take then? “To be fair, it took only 9 takes. So that’s a total of 45 bottles. That’s still cheaper than getting an established singer”, calculates Producer saab. Infallible mathematics that.

What about Zayeda Khan? Producer saab says, “Oh, he came for free (thankfully). He said no one was giving him any roles, so he just asked if he could join in. Usne bola sir, mereko lelo, mera vacation bhi ho jayega. Biwi bhi qafi din se keh rahi hai, chhuti pe le jaane ko aur main bhi beach gaya nahi kuch dinon se. Anyways, he is used to such stuff. After he did that Mission wala filim, who will take him?”

Khiladi Kumar decided to open up, “When we doing this film, I very…..” I say, “You can speak in Hindi. No issues.” Relieved, he says, “Maine is film mein kaafi mehnat ki hai. Sabne ki hai. Khatron se khelna padta hai, nahin to kuch mazaa nahin. We all become Khatron ke……” I interrupt him politely asking, “Coming to reality shows, how was it on Biggg Busss?” He replies with a shudder, “Very scary. What is happening, bahut… (Hindi, I remind him) Kaafi daraavna tha. Aur mein jab gaya tha toh Jaya Sawant already out ho chuki thi. Rohit Verma ko dekh kar toh main qaafi confusion mein aa gaya tha…Thanks God, film last year nahin release hui. Nahin to Rahul Mahajan, Rakhi Sawant ek saath! Anyways, qaafi ro chuke. Hain ji, life mein up down to hoti rehti hai. Has lo thoda, hain! Lets all dance to Chiggy Wiggy!” The mood lightens and everyone dances, and since there is no Kylie, everyone watches Lawruh kick up the fifty year old dust on the carpet and awaken the various forms of wildlife in the room. Khiladi and Zayeda dance to the very end. After the impromptu performance, I ask slyly, “Aap thake to nahi na?” hinting at his age. He says, “Arre abhi to mein jawaan hu. Punjaab da gabru jawaan. ” I hear a soft “Hai, meri kamar” follow but I ignore it while covertly handing him a pain relief balm.

And why was Enjoy baba so silent today? “I’m a bit tired today.” Shooting? No, he says. He has just gotten back from breakfast. But it is lunch time. Yeah, that’s right, he adds, with a slight embarrassment. I press on, “How was it working with all the kids, especially Lawruh, who’s almost your daughter’s age?” “What kids? Except for Lawruh and Zayeda, everyone else is of my age! But I did have a lot of fun, especially the underwater shoots.” Did the paunch help him stay put in the water? “Yes it did. It really added to the dynamics of swimming. Actually it wasn’t really supposed to be shown. When we got Tharak Kumar as a cameraman, we gave him strict instructions to capture full body shots of only Lawruh and the sharks. But I think he had a gay moment and shot me too.” We agree on the point that full body shots of others would have been scary and the audience would have died of shock. Baba’s judgement of the audience is exemplary.

Lunch arrives in the form of oily sabji and paapadesque chapaati. I refuse and move on. Khiladi says, “Yaar. Sab itna serious kyun ho gaye. Tumko pata hai? Main aur producer saab ne jab pehli baar Chuggy Wuggy suna tha, to humein laga yeh Gujarati logon ke bare mein hai. Aur Kylie ka naam bhi aisa hi hain, ji?” It can happen to anyone, I add. The song name does stir up an image of two Gujjus in their star studded shirts and red jeans with intricately woven embroidery. But that is a different matter. What about Lawruh? “I enjoyed it thoroughly. And since I have already got my fees, I couldn’t care less what happens to the film”, she adds with a whisper.

As a final word, I ask everyone what their future plans are. Lawruh will continue with her comedy genre with Govinduh. When you have a co-star twice your size and half your height, it makes you look four times hotter, doesn’t it? Khiladi also has similar plans, mostly with Cutreena. And what about baba? He doesn’t have any plans of retiring yet. He has plans of opening a School of Rock. But more about that in the next edition. Zayeda is looking for newer avenues to enter. Producer saab wants to produce a film of the type Reshma ki Jawaani, Khooni Haseena etc. His Raat ki Kali Subah ko Khili is already being shot with Rockhee Sawant. I suggest he change the “Kali” part to something realistic. I at least have hopes of recovering my money, he says. I have to agree with him.

And Diffusa? He plans to make a serious hard hitting drama film, this time on land, and costing one fourth the budget of Blew. And who will be the producer? Sohell Khan, he informs. So there will naturally be Dullman? I guess, he says.

I wish him all the very best, and leave instantly to dying strains of “Abey, tere ko fir se doobna hai kya?” from the ever youthful, Khiladi Kumar.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Ladies Special

The title is a JAM hangover. Don’t bother. I just witnessed an astounding cat fight (*evil satisfying grin*) at Dadar station a few days ago, at the door of the second class ladies compartment of the 19:14 Karjat train. Now when it is a Karjat train, most know to avoid getting in, since it is hopelessly crowded. Here is what happened.


I just reach platform 4 at Dadar.

19:14: 28

Train arrives at station.


Two women, amongst the many, (try) to get down while double the numbers of women try to get in. Hair gets pulled and feet get stamped.


Woman # 1: Beats the hell out of someone with an umbrella and her purse.

Woman # 2: Assists above with bare hands and her deadly claws.


Victim retaliates by pulling hair of assailant.

Timeline unimportant anymore

Train starts to leave.

Woman # 1: Saali, kutti, kameeni, neeche aa. Dikhati hoon tere ko.

Woman # 2: R***i, baal kheechti hai! (Enquiring, my dear lady?)

“Victim” (from the door): Bhikari ki aulad!@#$% (Sadly fades away)

Woman # 1 (with double the vigour): Saali, doob maregi tu. Tera poora khandaan jal ke raakh ho jaye! Khaadi mein gir ke mar ja.

Woman # 2: Bi**h. Chhod yaar. Chal jaane de.

Woman # 1: Baal kheechti hai saali. Phir kahin milne de. Usko to leti hu main baraabar se.

I was completely shocked. For a minute, I was just staring at the spot where all this happened. I just wondered if this had happened in the men’s compartment, what would have happened. No wait, this happens every day.

MORAL 1: DO NOT pull a woman’s hair AT ANY COST. Read above for consequences.

MORAL 2: Girls can swear equally well, if not better. It’s a rare phenomenon, and when it does happen, consider yourself lucky to witness it.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Goodbye, Bajaj Nagar Road!

I haven’t quite gotten over the shock that took me when I went back to VNIT. The whole face of the institute has changed.

1. Gone is the continuous buzz that marked the library area, which now resembles a crematorium. I’m not exaggerating. The digital library is finally operational (has to be, since we have left the campus). The Nescafe was totally empty, apart from us fools.

2. To make it even worse, there was the Freshers’ Nite being organised, which in our days meant a huge thing. People rushed from place to place, checking out (girls) and also the auditions. I for one, have always been a part of music auditions (though not actively) for all the four years. Even the music seems to be lost somewhere, what with the new SAC and a lack of proper talent (or at least none have come forward yet).

The function started on time, irrespective of the fact that half the hall was empty.

3. Fashion show is still the same, with the 2nd years advising the freshies on how to strut their stuff (or the lack of it). I overheard a very enthusiastic 2nd year saying, “Attitude! Show it! You rule the stage! Lemme see you own the stage!”

Though his zeal was certainly one to garner appreciation, the end result itself was so disappointing that the whole point was lost. I’m sorry but the show was a real downer. There is an excuse though, since it was on really short notice (3 days), thanks to Mr. “You know what I did in IIT Chennai”. What was put up on such short notice was commendable.

4. Skits and dramas are still made in the MTV style spoofs. Nothing new there too.

5. Dances were the only thing that, to my untrained eye, seemed on the same level as the previous years. A positive there.

6. Swine flu is the most (ab) used reason for cancelling/postponing any event, from what I have heard. Janmashtami pooja happened, with almost 500 people turning up for it. But of course, where there is the lord, there can’t possibly be swine flu, right?

7. DG is going on as I write this (according to original plans). Ganeshotsav cult night is scheduled somewhere in October.

8. Axis is due on 23 Oct, postponed again, due to swine flu. Accommodation isn’t part of the plan apparently, for outstation participants, since VNIT is a premium destination. (“Why do you worry about their accommodation? They will arrange for it themselves.”)

9. Block 1, the most happening block on campus, is now officially dead, due to the same reason. K Wing is now “Khatara Wing”.

10. There is a serious consideration of introducing an in-time on campus. That is an official farewell to dhaba trips and night outs. I think it’ll be around 11 pm.

11. GH still has an in-time of 8:30, which I expected to be around six.

12. The freshers are the new kings on campus and not the final years. They have been given full freedom to complain against whomever they feel like. Some rustication (hostel, college) will immediately follow. According to official sources, “Yeh naya batch problem dene wala hai.” Ragging is an unspeakable word. Mention it and an HR is confirmed. There is zero interaction between juniors and seniors.

As Basu said, “Yaar college to change ho gaya. Sab dude log aa gaye, piercing aur tattoo wale.” One more year Basu, and people shall not even know who you are and what Vighn was.

13. QPC is dying a slow death, according to another source. Another one bites the dust, I guess. Keshav, Vinny, Amar, Ronojoy, Sidharth, Mainak, Muffy, Andy, Big B, Lil B, Kana, YTV, Dick, Sax, Ojha, Dharini, Piraan. The legacy hopefully will somehow continue. Sorry if I have missed some names.

14. The only clubs left active are Prayaas, EO (to some extent) and of course, Club Capture. CC to will soon be defunct in two years, according to my prediction. Let us hope I’m proved wrong.

15. Torrents have been blocked. There is a mallu hub on DC, which provides visual relief :)

16. The canteen is being rebuilt, so the sitting area with the conical roof (the place for all meetings) has been demolished. Chandrama is getting some more seating, the kind you see in gardens with umbrella tops.

The most painful part for all of us was when we were on campus. We wanted to relive our moments in those three days, but we were to be disappointed. As one of us said, “Yaar, college chhod ke kahin bhi chalo. Yahan nahi rehna ab.

I literally have nothing to do with VNIT now, except for the degree which I will be “awarded” by post.

This isn’t how they do it in IIT Chennai.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Mad Ad

Sorry for the unimaginative title. To compesate for it, here's an ad which I found on one of the blogs. Mudra (an ad agency) won the Cannes Young Creative Competition for it in 2007.

Do mention the time it took to figure out the ad. It took me 20 seconds. Yes, I know it's slow.

Shit Material rejected by body happens.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Da Datar and Dukki Diaries # 3

*In memory of the second. *

One fine day, a call arrives.

Dukki: Datar, ek ladki jugaad na?

Me: Wait..lemme check....WHAT?

Dukki: Abe HRC jaane ka hai. Not stags allowed. So need someone to get in. You have contacts here na?

Me: Oh. Let me check my register. No wait, I don't have one. I'm sorry.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Bottomline

Today I saw a really strange thing. I walked out of a restaurant after a heavy (and delimamalicious) dinner. A girl was standing outside with her back facing me. Her family was waiting for their turn to go into the restaurant. And written on her butt seat of her pants were the following golden words:

"Forever Yours"

I was speechless.

PS: This is a true incident. I am not lying.

PPS: For all you "feminist, sensitive" types, I wasn't glaring at her, ahem, backside. I just happened to glance in that direction and well, the wisdom glared right at me.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Monsoon brings out the scientist in me. Strange isn't it? Because most people tend to be poetic during the rains, with all the natural beauty in its finest splendour, and the greenery at its fullest colour (and Wordsworth just died a second death). But what is the best thing about monsoon are the end-of-season sales at all the apparel stores, with their huge signs and mouthwatering percentages inviting economically frugal (read cheap) people like me to shop. Hence I visited the store nearest to my place, Globus; since I wanted to buy cheap clothes expand my wardrobe.

The first thing I noticed was all the swine flu masks people were wearing. Just to screw around a little, I coughed a couple of times (and also due to the fact that I do have a cough. No it’s not swine flu) and the guy next to me gave me the “Keep your germs to yourself” look. After I was done with my “shopping” and was waiting to get charged for all the discounted items (Yay!), the scientist in me decided to hunt around a little and gather some observations about this new environment (Yes, I hate malls). And the big green Globus feedback book was what I got my hands on. Let me tell you, its funny enough to be published as a humour column, with all the useful comments. Here are some exhibits and some replies the Globus manager sent to them (OK, I did the replies)

Exhibit One: “I liked the store and the service was very attractive.”

Dear Sir,

Happy to know you liked the store. How about the collection? We go through a rigorous procedure to select our staff, and we currently have no offers related to the staff getting hitched. We shall let you know of the offer, if you so require.


Globus Matrimonial Dept.

Exhibit Two: “The staff was really courteous at Thane. The assistants at the VT store were really cheap.”

Dear Madam,

I shall get in touch with the store manager at VT. The discount season has perhaps gotten to you. Only the clothes are for sale and not the staff.


"Staff Sales" Manager

Exhibit Three: “The music was too loud and I couldn’t hear anything.”

Dear Sir,

I apologise for the inconvenience caused to you. The music is one of the many services we provide, and we shall try to incorporate your suggestion. Let us know if we should have a coffee machine and some chairs so that you can enjoy a good conversation. Also find attached, the number of an ENT specialist for your reference.


Globus is a Restaurant Dept.

Exhibit four: “I enjoyed it totally. The staff was very helpful, the collection was good, and the best thing was the discounts.”

Dear Madam,

Happy to know you liked it. Discounts are the best things in the world. Do visit our store during non discount days. We look forward to seeing you (atleast once).


Discount Damodar.

Exhibit Five: “The collection was too boring. Jazz it up.”

Dear Sir,

We shall look into the matter. We are also in talks with our designers so that they can coordinate with some stand-up comedians so that the collections can provide some entertainment for you.

Also find attached the address for Not Just Jazz By The Way for your reference.


Entertainment Dept.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Da Datar and Dukki Diaries # 1

For starters, there have been and will always be interesting anecdotes and incidents to share when Prathamesh "Dukkar" Adhikari is around. And I'm sure there are many incidents that have not even come to light, and may not involve me in all of them. But since this is my blog, and no one else has taken the efforts to write, the name is the way it is.

Dukki is a very entertaining guy. Dukki is very nice. Dukki is resourceful. But he also has a certain factor, to which we shall attribute the letter 'K'. Now this factor, describes the bad luck that a person might have in his daily life. And he had a lot of K. I didn't, until I shifted to block 1. Here is incident number 1.

It was Aarohi time. And we had taken up the responsibility of managing two events, one a film-making competition and the other, a showcase of films. And we were roaming around, for sponsors for the event. Sample this now.

One of my other friends, has never, ever had a license (Kana, that's you) and has been driving around a car and a bike for 3 years, breaking signals with an alarming consistency. He has never had a run-in with the police. I have never been stopped by a policeman for anything (though I usually have all documents). Dukki on the other hand, has an infamous track record, for having been stopped by a policeman the maximum no. of times ever in VNIT history. We were on Bhatt's bike, at 3:30 in the afternoon, at the Bajaj Nagar square signal coming from Shankar Nagar petrol pump. It is a square where no one ever follows the signal. And it was a Sunday. Here is what happened.

Me: Arey yaar, red signal. Fir rukna padega.

Dukki: Kyun rukne ka. Abhi kaun pakdega, dopahar ko. Saare policewale so gaye honge.

Me: Abey, ruk ja. Thodi hi der hai.

Dukki: Kuch nahi hoga, be. Chal.

He drives the bike at full rev and takes a right, towards the Bajaj Nagar gate. And we foolishly drive straight at a smiling policeman, who with his outstretched hands, signalled for us to stop.

Me: &*&@*@)!(@_#@#%, dekha?

Dukki (with the confidence of Michael Phelps): Arre, chinta mat kar. Main dekhta hoon
Kaka, chuk zhali majhi.

Policeman 1: Hindi main bolo. Signal toda na?

Dukki (shocked, and not knowing what to say): Umm..

Me: Bhaiyya, humein signal dikha nahi......Hum....

Policeman mamu 2 (on seeing two wonderful scapegoats): Tumhi kasa sutla? Tumcha signal tar "raid" ahe.

Dukki (with the most innocent face he could conjure, but ended up looking constipated): Kaka, soda na aamhala. Amhi ghaait aho. Please.....

Mamu: Tumahala sarkhi ghai aste na. Tumha tarun lokana mothi bike milali ki speed pakdaychich na? Chala ata fine bhara.

Dukki: Kaka, paise naahi. Fakt shambhar rupaiye.

Mamu: Ho. Chalel na. Tu Marathit bolla mhanunach mee tula sodtoy.

Dukki (turning towards me): Datar, nikaal na. Baad mein deta hoon.

I fished out the hundred bucks, and we left in a hurry.

Dukki: Sahi yaar, saste mein chhoot gaye.

Me (with the most sarcastic tone I could produce): Haan, haan. Nahi to bhagwaan jane kya hota.

And that was how it all started. More to come soon. Dukki, tera khulasa ho raha hai. Wait and watch.