Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Monsoon brings out the scientist in me. Strange isn't it? Because most people tend to be poetic during the rains, with all the natural beauty in its finest splendour, and the greenery at its fullest colour (and Wordsworth just died a second death). But what is the best thing about monsoon are the end-of-season sales at all the apparel stores, with their huge signs and mouthwatering percentages inviting economically frugal (read cheap) people like me to shop. Hence I visited the store nearest to my place, Globus; since I wanted to buy cheap clothes expand my wardrobe.

The first thing I noticed was all the swine flu masks people were wearing. Just to screw around a little, I coughed a couple of times (and also due to the fact that I do have a cough. No it’s not swine flu) and the guy next to me gave me the “Keep your germs to yourself” look. After I was done with my “shopping” and was waiting to get charged for all the discounted items (Yay!), the scientist in me decided to hunt around a little and gather some observations about this new environment (Yes, I hate malls). And the big green Globus feedback book was what I got my hands on. Let me tell you, its funny enough to be published as a humour column, with all the useful comments. Here are some exhibits and some replies the Globus manager sent to them (OK, I did the replies)

Exhibit One: “I liked the store and the service was very attractive.”

Dear Sir,

Happy to know you liked the store. How about the collection? We go through a rigorous procedure to select our staff, and we currently have no offers related to the staff getting hitched. We shall let you know of the offer, if you so require.


Globus Matrimonial Dept.

Exhibit Two: “The staff was really courteous at Thane. The assistants at the VT store were really cheap.”

Dear Madam,

I shall get in touch with the store manager at VT. The discount season has perhaps gotten to you. Only the clothes are for sale and not the staff.


"Staff Sales" Manager

Exhibit Three: “The music was too loud and I couldn’t hear anything.”

Dear Sir,

I apologise for the inconvenience caused to you. The music is one of the many services we provide, and we shall try to incorporate your suggestion. Let us know if we should have a coffee machine and some chairs so that you can enjoy a good conversation. Also find attached, the number of an ENT specialist for your reference.


Globus is a Restaurant Dept.

Exhibit four: “I enjoyed it totally. The staff was very helpful, the collection was good, and the best thing was the discounts.”

Dear Madam,

Happy to know you liked it. Discounts are the best things in the world. Do visit our store during non discount days. We look forward to seeing you (atleast once).


Discount Damodar.

Exhibit Five: “The collection was too boring. Jazz it up.”

Dear Sir,

We shall look into the matter. We are also in talks with our designers so that they can coordinate with some stand-up comedians so that the collections can provide some entertainment for you.

Also find attached the address for Not Just Jazz By The Way for your reference.


Entertainment Dept.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Da Datar and Dukki Diaries # 1

For starters, there have been and will always be interesting anecdotes and incidents to share when Prathamesh "Dukkar" Adhikari is around. And I'm sure there are many incidents that have not even come to light, and may not involve me in all of them. But since this is my blog, and no one else has taken the efforts to write, the name is the way it is.

Dukki is a very entertaining guy. Dukki is very nice. Dukki is resourceful. But he also has a certain factor, to which we shall attribute the letter 'K'. Now this factor, describes the bad luck that a person might have in his daily life. And he had a lot of K. I didn't, until I shifted to block 1. Here is incident number 1.

It was Aarohi time. And we had taken up the responsibility of managing two events, one a film-making competition and the other, a showcase of films. And we were roaming around, for sponsors for the event. Sample this now.

One of my other friends, has never, ever had a license (Kana, that's you) and has been driving around a car and a bike for 3 years, breaking signals with an alarming consistency. He has never had a run-in with the police. I have never been stopped by a policeman for anything (though I usually have all documents). Dukki on the other hand, has an infamous track record, for having been stopped by a policeman the maximum no. of times ever in VNIT history. We were on Bhatt's bike, at 3:30 in the afternoon, at the Bajaj Nagar square signal coming from Shankar Nagar petrol pump. It is a square where no one ever follows the signal. And it was a Sunday. Here is what happened.

Me: Arey yaar, red signal. Fir rukna padega.

Dukki: Kyun rukne ka. Abhi kaun pakdega, dopahar ko. Saare policewale so gaye honge.

Me: Abey, ruk ja. Thodi hi der hai.

Dukki: Kuch nahi hoga, be. Chal.

He drives the bike at full rev and takes a right, towards the Bajaj Nagar gate. And we foolishly drive straight at a smiling policeman, who with his outstretched hands, signalled for us to stop.

Me: &*&@*@)!(@_#@#%, dekha?

Dukki (with the confidence of Michael Phelps): Arre, chinta mat kar. Main dekhta hoon
Kaka, chuk zhali majhi.

Policeman 1: Hindi main bolo. Signal toda na?

Dukki (shocked, and not knowing what to say): Umm..

Me: Bhaiyya, humein signal dikha nahi......Hum....

Policeman mamu 2 (on seeing two wonderful scapegoats): Tumhi kasa sutla? Tumcha signal tar "raid" ahe.

Dukki (with the most innocent face he could conjure, but ended up looking constipated): Kaka, soda na aamhala. Amhi ghaait aho. Please.....

Mamu: Tumahala sarkhi ghai aste na. Tumha tarun lokana mothi bike milali ki speed pakdaychich na? Chala ata fine bhara.

Dukki: Kaka, paise naahi. Fakt shambhar rupaiye.

Mamu: Ho. Chalel na. Tu Marathit bolla mhanunach mee tula sodtoy.

Dukki (turning towards me): Datar, nikaal na. Baad mein deta hoon.

I fished out the hundred bucks, and we left in a hurry.

Dukki: Sahi yaar, saste mein chhoot gaye.

Me (with the most sarcastic tone I could produce): Haan, haan. Nahi to bhagwaan jane kya hota.

And that was how it all started. More to come soon. Dukki, tera khulasa ho raha hai. Wait and watch.