Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The MBA Diaries # 1: Gay MET

Okay, this is yet another series of posts I'm starting (More Dukki Diaries still to come) and this is a disclaimer I would like to highlight:
I'm going to be immensely judgmental, shallow and flip - sided in my observations and sometimes chauvinist too. It is all meant in good humour, and nothing should be taken seriously.


As most of you know, I 'prepared rigorously' for six months and am in the process of completing my MBA exams (notice only completing exams) by Jan 10. And since there are almost half a dozen exams to be taken, there will be half a dozen test centres and each centre consists of its own form of entertainment. I have this habit of observing and characterising fellow (unsuspecting) students into different categories, and make predictions about how they are going to fare in the exam and in general, what they would be like. If you think its horrible on my part to makes such assumptions, try it once. You'll have fun, at the expense of no one but your imagination.

CAT was a totally different story, and the only thing I actually want to write here, is that there were a total of 48 leaves on the patterns of the curtains in my lab, and 24 flowers, arranged in a diagonal fashion. This was my only productive conclusion for Dec 1, which I arrived at when I was waiting for the test to be 'delivered'.

But the real deal (read paper based test) started with JMET (Joint Management Entrance Test), excelling in which would get me into the IIT B - Schools. If you're one of the people saying, "Wait, IITs are technical institutes, right?", a very warm good morning to you. When I was applying, I had a deep discussion with one of my school friends who said, "I'm not going into the IITs. I can't take another two years with engineers." I thought deeply (for once) and took a chance and filled the online form (with some hiccups, owing to my mistake and their Stone Age era application form design - long story that too), even though I knew that an engineering degree combined with an MBA from an IIT was one of the surefire methods of turning a person gay (virtually zero exposure to the fairer sex).

When the exam date drew near, I thought to myself, "Let's give this all we've got. It's only an exam, and I can do it." And I did (by asking my friend a day before the exam what the syllabus and pattern was. He replied, " Tension mat le. Just go and take the test"). I was more interested in my exam centre, which was Jamnabai Narsee School since I'd had an argument with a colleague at office, over which school (hers was Jamnabai) was better (mine of course, is Singhania). I promised to be as unbiased as possible when we settled the argument the day after my exam (way to go in prioritising), and went with a cool (almost empty) head to Juhu at about 9: 30 in the morning.

I was expecting a crowd of geeks, most of them from neighbouring villages like mine. 'Girls' was the last thing I expected, except for a few, who barely made it to that category owing to their long hair. But what I saw was quite a respectable number of female candidates (Engineers have a hawk like precision and accuracy in spotting girls in a crowd). Some of them were even cute, probably the 'Sindhi/Gujarati quota' types (If the female readers are incensed by the appalling terminology, I apologise. It is only for humorous purposes). I looked up the chart and saw that my room was W-52, which turned out to be the West Wing (how appropriate, the Wing of power). Since I'd left home at about 7:30, I hadn't eaten anything. I wanted to eat a vada pav at Dadar, but thought it wiser to have something near the centre. Wrong choice. There was absolutely no shop/thela selling anything. Anything. The whole area is full of residential buildings with Gujarati names and a common 'bai' suffix. I went to my exam room on an empty stomach.

Now, it's not as if I always count the number of girls, and calculate the percentage of good - looking ones, but when you're taking an MBA exam, percentages tend to hover in and out of your thoughts. But the percentage today was around 0.54321. In fact, I'm always amazed at how my friends always run into girls who believe in socialising and casual talk, and I manage run into ones who think all guys are rapists. The seat in front of me was occupied by a guy who'd forgotten his watch, and he requested his neighbour to keep her watch on his side of her desk. That was when I noticed the girl in blue top. She was fat, and looked nervous. But MOST important of all, she had a moustache, almost as much as me. I decided to call her 'Moustache Girl' (henceforth MG). I glanced at MG, and she gave me the 'you're a rapist' look. MG had a friend of hers in the room too, sitting behind me, who immediately fell into the 'Teacher's favourite but a class one bitch' category. The type of girls who usually tell on you when you're up to no good in class. And she gave me the 'Oh! He's just here because he paid the application fee' look (henceforth referred to as COB) . It didn't help my cause when my pen stopped working and I'd to ask COB for a pen. She grudgingly gave me one, as if I'd asked for her kidney.

The exam began and I started out decently, but lost the plot midway when they started asking weird questions in the English section, and when a pigeon entered the room and completed its third round (reconnaissance?). I wondered for about two minutes as to why MG had a moustache, but immediately got back to solving my LR set. I'd also decided to catch the look on COB's face when the paper got over, and as I got up, I saw a look of despair on her face. Someone hasn't performed very well in the paper. I'd almost forgotten that I was starving, and while leaving the hexagonal premises, I caught sight of a couple who'd come to write the exam, happily munching on a burger, which I don't know where they procured from (This was turning out to be quite a day). Most people had no clue how their exams went, but I knew I hadn't done my best. The 'gaytes' of IIT wouldn't be open for me this year probably.

Now that the exam was over, I had to catch a rickshaw to Ville Parle railway station. I don't like fighting over rickshaws, and thankfully I caught hold of a guy who was having tea . He said, "Bhaiyya humko thodi der lagegi. Aap rukenge?" I happily agreed and watched him enjoy his cuppa while I caught one last sight of COB entering a Hyundai Accent with her dad.

20 comments:

talreja priyanka said...

Dude! i was actually laughin! i dnt believe u like You.. wrote this!

2 thumbs up!

Grace Personified said...

first things first, your titles are killer! like almost always.i indulge in the 'people watching' as well, so i do know how much easier it makes those three to four hours. nice read :)

srikanth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
srikanth said...

beautifully written...keep them coming!!

BhaskarQuiz said...

Loved it!! You have an uncanny talent for observing the right things!! Please don't stop writing eve when you leave JAM and wen you get into some MBA school!!

SSD said...

@Priyanka My school is better and bigger!

@Grace Thanks. People watching is the best, especially when they are in groups!

@srikanth Thanks!

@BhaskarQuiz Haha. Let's wait and watch. I'm not really sure where I will get in.

rvnd said...

Datar, boy brilliant.
BTW the word verification before i submit this is "fckdcat" lol

SSD said...

@rvnd How appropriate! Today seems to be a good day. I left home late for office, and the train that I always caught also was late.

Vivek Kumar said...

nice one dude....
recalled memories of us sitting in front of reading room and characterizing all the "dudes and babes" of our college....

SSD said...

@Vivek Ah yes. WHen we bunked Satpute's lecture. Or was it RBD?

Neeraj said...

'I'm always amazed at how my friends always run into girls who believe in socialising and casual talk, and I run into ones who think all guys are rapists'. KILLER

praveen said...

this is the first time i read your blog .. and i must admit ..man you write well.. you have an outstanding comic timing.. keep writing. great job on "gay met". wud like to tell you that there are blondes in iit mba classes who convert even the gayest of them all to straight... hail the germans and russians who come to india for cheap education

SSD said...

@Praveen Sahi! Then I'm coming to IIT - M. From what I've heard, IIT's have a very skewed sex ratio.

praveen said...

its very true . the sex ratio is really scewed. it is 9:1.. but there are one or two lookers who make even the worst of days bearable..

Neeraj said...

"Engineers have a hawk like precision and accuracy in spotting girls in a crowd"- eggjactlyy!

"Some of them were even cute". Lol. As if to say that its just f***ing not possible. The surprise in the tone is awesome.

talreja priyanka said...

Well, I Don't Agree.. Bigger.. May be but Better!! Uh-huh.. no chance in hell!

SSD said...

@priyanka Haha! No chance. Ask anyone! As I said, you are better situated and nothing more!

Amrita said...

uber!!...comic timimg is brilliant!

anand said...

lolzz...long time since read a really interesting article...maza aaya..reminds me of EO days..
which i guess both of us must be missin :(

SSD said...

@Dedhia Yes! I miss how we totally ignored our studies and concentrated on EO.