Be nice to people. Not because you want to be treated nicely as well. Because there is a secret justice system that is observing everything that you are doing and keeping a record of it. And when the time comes, it will all come back to you in equal measure.
|No, but sir, you never, no...but..no..|
Even when you grow up, the law continues to hold. Be very careful. One small mistake and boom, your friends will have made a plan to watch Tees Maar Khan after college. And you have to pay.
Whenever you make fun of people, the justice system ensures that your girlfriend gifts you sunglasses that make you look like Karunanidhi. Whenever you are snobbish, you will find yourself choosing from the following directors to have a movie made on your life - Sajid Khan, Madhur Bhandarkar or Priyadarshan. One more wrong step and Vivek Oberoi will play the lead role. So be careful, okay?
Neighbours, every time you compare your MBA son's salary with a non-MBA person's salary, the system makes your son audition for Roadies, where he gets selected, loses, auditions for Dance India Dance, gets selected, loses again but decides to keep the haircut he got on the show. Whenever you make someone else feel small, your daughter will join Splitsvilla, and spill all your secrets on national television. Be careful not to be too vain about your wealth, or flaunt it shamelessly otherwise Mayawati will personally visit your house and perform a havan using your money as fuel. Don't let success go to your head or your wedding card will designed by a bunch of baboons using a pirated version of Photoshop on Windows Vista. The same bunch that churns out political hoardings in Mumbai. The system will ensure that.
Guys from the corporate world, every time you claim your 'expenses', your family will want to eat a "traditional, Rajasthani thali" at the mall. Double price, eating food that looks like an elephant took a dump (tastes like it?), sitting on chairs where there are other people glaring at you for not eating fast. It's almost like prison, except here, you have to pay to get in. Stay away from office politics or the system will ensure that your career advisor is Sania Mirza. Don't try to put anyone down or the secret system will ensure that Ashok Chavan invests in the housing society you just bought a home in. Don't vent your spleen on the driver or the waiter just because your job sucks, because you might just end up having to work at a telecom company where your job is to ask people to switch over to your network. And don't use your cell phone while driving or show off your BBs or your wife's cell phone number will be forwarded to Shane Warne. And if you are a woman, it'll go to Raja Chaudhary.
Actors, every time you lie on camera or the system will see to it that Suresh Kalmadi (make that SM Krishna) reads out your achievements on the day they felicitate you with a lifetime achievement award. How, you ask? He will. Wait and watch. And Charu Sharma will host the show. The secret justice system has a counter with a beeper on it that goes red whenever you act smug when it comes to your acting skills. Don't do it or you will have to admit on the same talk show that you use a particular brand of skin rash cream. Let's see how you do that with a straight face and maybe then your vainness is justified. Try and pull a publicity stunt on a charity event and you will have Digvijay Singh as a director for your film. And Amar Singh as the playback singer.
Filmmakers, the next time you try to claim a rip-off as an original, the system will personally send Rajnikanth to remake you. And throw it in the dustbin.
|It's either Khali's voice or you|
Cricketers, please concentrate more on the game or else you'll have to host a talk show on DD with Atul Wassan and Saba Karim.
PS: The system doesn't work on politicians.
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