Monday, August 12, 2013

BREAKING: Real life version of a Bollywood south Indian discovered

In what is seen as a landmark piece of discovery, a man who dresses and behaves exactly like south Indians portrayed in Bollywood films has been found in a remote village called Illapuram, which is situated in one of the four south Indian states. The writer is not quite sure which one.

Dressed in a dark-coloured vest and a lungi with checks on it, the man welcomed the writer of this piece with a coconut in his hand. “Drink this, everyone knows we love coconuts.”

The man’s name is Muthuswamy Iyer and like most south Indians in Bollywood films, he 
says ‘Ayyo rama’ in almost every sentence. “I am a Madrasi, and a proud one,” he says to your writer.

Short in stature and slightly rotund, Iyer is a PhD in mathematics. Despite his obvious 
intelligence, he is shy and socially awkward. So how does he get the attention of the ladies? “I generally don’t go out partying. I prefer staying at home and reading books,” confesses Iyer. “I speak to a girl only when she comes to me asking for help. After that, she goes back to her boyfriend who is being mean to her. I can’t really have a hot girlfriend.” reveals Iyer.

As expected, Iyer enjoys curd rice and any delicacy that involves curd. He says he cannot curd curb his urge to mix curd with every possible dish he comes across. “My favourite is 
noodles and curd. I just love it."

So how was Muthuswamy discovered? “I was getting ready for work and wearing my lungi.  Suddenly, I saw the trailer of Chennai Express on TV. I was shocked, and my lungi fell down! 

When asked about why exactly he was shocked, Iyer exclaimed, “It was like my life was on 
screen. Those clothes, those words, those actions! Yenna rascala, I behave the exact same 
way!” 

On being contacted, the director of Chennai Express, Rohit Shetty said, “I am glad someone is finally appreciating what I am doing. It is not true that Bollywood uses stereotypes in films and this man is living proof of this fact.” Shetty further added that all his films were inspired by real life and as he was speaking these very words, behind Shetty, the writer spotted two Mahindra Scorpios flying in the air and crashing into each other.

Muthuswamy Iyer is now ready to make his big move to Bollywood. “Various directors have 
contacted me for roles in their upcoming projects. My USP is that I don't have to get into character. I am the character,” he says confidently.

Muthu also plans to write lyrics and dialogues. “You don’t need much writing skills. I just have to use random words like ‘Ille’, Po and other simple words.” A well known producer quipped happily, “Here’s a refreshing change. We won’t have to invest in script writers anymore. Anyway, we don’t really have scripts in Bollywood per se, but now we don’t need 
one at all. We can just put Muthuji on screen and he will do the rest.”

The producer also revealed, after much coaxing, that a similar search has been put into action to find real life versions of all supporting funny characters from films – a man from the North Eastern part of India, who is preferably a waiter, a Nepali watchman, an old Parsi grandfather, and a loud, brash Punjabi who says ‘Oye’ in every sentence. “We will find them,” he says.

Muthu signs off happily “Bollywood, I am coming. Mind it!” All the best, Muthuswamy Iyer.

Image source: Wikipedia

Article source: Every damn Hindi film that stereotypes south Indians

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